How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
