YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
