Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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