i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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