My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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