Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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