If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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