don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize