i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
