that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize