I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
