Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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