I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
