If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
