Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
