He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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