She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
