go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
