I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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