Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
