There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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