These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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