i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
