I think I am morally bankrupt
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
