The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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