she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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