Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
