Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
