so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
