Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
