so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
