ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
