We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
