i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
did i just pee glitter
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
