Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
