Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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