just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize