i was born a porn star she said
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
