we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize