I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
