Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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