You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
