so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
