dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
