Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Randomize
