Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
