I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
