I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
