dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
