did you get engaged???
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
