That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
