i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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