david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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