you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
