**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
My ATM looks so different sober.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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