The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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