o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
