you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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