that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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