i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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