I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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