What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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