you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
