there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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