I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize