Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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