whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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