I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
