Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
