just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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