Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Blood and glitter go together right?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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