you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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