Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
organizing the empties. That sober.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
