I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
