I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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