Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My vagina is officially offended.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize