Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
