remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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