Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
