I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
