Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
