I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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