i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
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