She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
