they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
