you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
