it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
