We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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